Yep, I lost it.
To fully explain we have to go back to last night....ok, really we have to go back before Christmas.
Every once in a while, Matthew and I get fed up with all the toys, stuffed animals, and baby dolls all over the house-mostly it happens when the girls sit arguing, fighting, and screaming over one when they are surrounded by what seems like hundreds.
We constantly remind them there are other toys to choose from. Threaten to throw away the 'other' toys if they just don't love them enough to play with them anymore...but never follow through.
Idle threats...
Well, just before Christmas I hit the breaking point.
Madison was having a particularly selfish day and not sharing. I asked her to pick her favorite stuffed animal and tell it goodbye because it was going to live with another child. I said this would continue to happen if she continued this behavior until all the animals were gone. She chose Beckett the Panda- the bear she and Kennedy won in a drawing at a Border's children's reading time. She cried as she hugged Beckett and I put him on top of the overflowing Goodwill bag.
Unfortunately, Christmas, shop orders, and prepping for our trip kept us super busy and Beckett, along with our Goodwill bag sat in the laundry room for weeks. Madison didn't believe Beckett was really gone for good because she saw him almost every day.
When we got back from our east coast trip, Matthew and I did a little quick 'cleaning' while the girls were in the tub one night and cleared out some of the broken, baby, or unused toys. We had a throw out pile and another Goodwill bag. We quickly loaded my trunk before I could change my mind (why am I so attached to some of these things?!) or the girls took notice.
No harm, no foul- the next day I made the drop unbeknownst to the girls.
Everything was going smoothly until Madison started school this week learning about the letter 'P'. She was trying to decide what to take as her 'share' when her teacher helper recommended a panda. humpf- thanks a bunch!
Madison asked about Beckett when we got home and I reminded her he went to live with another little boy or girl. She fell over into a huge crying fit. We talked about how some children don't have any of the nice things she does and they needed Beckett more. By this time we were close to nap time so she went to bed and forgot.
Last night she was grossly overtired, nestled in her bed when out of nowhere she started crying... 'mama....mama...mama'. I went into their room thinking it was Kennedy crying. As I walked in Madison popped her head up and cried, 'I Want BECKETT!'
I lost it.
I used the 'mean voice'.
I looked her square in her eye and started in on 'the speech'. You know the one....
'Madison Elizabeth-you stop crying RIGHT NOW. You are being a selfish, selfish brat. Beckett went to live with another little girl or boy and this is why. You have so many nice things you don't even appreciate. Do you know, there are lots of little children who don't have the nice things you do? They don't have mommies and daddies, or a nice big house, or beds full of animals and babies like you do. They don't have little sister's to share with or a million toys like you do. You need to stop being so rude, and so mean and go to sleep RIGHT NOW!'
I walked away shaking I was so mad. Then I realized what I'd done. Not the speech-though it was not one of my finer moments-but before that.
I spoiled my child.
Both of them for that matter.
They never (EVER) want for anything. They have more clothes than their closets can hold, more toys than Toys R Us, practically every animal Build-a-Bear makes, dress up coming out their ears-I have turned my girls into selfish brats.
How do I fix this? How do I make them understand how good they have it? I know my parents felt this way about my brothers and me when we were younger, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't this bad.
Tonight it happened all over again. Both girls throwing fits over one little piece of a wooden toy set (Melissa and Doug's Birthday Cake set). The set has at least 10 of the exact same piece (cake toppings)- but they both wanted THAT one. I walked away from the dinner dishes, over to where they were playing, asked Kennedy to give me the piece, say goodbye to it, Madison did the same, then I walked it over and threw it away (most of these little round discs were already thrown away or lost because Kennedy used them as teethers when she was younger). Then we had 'the speech' again.
How to I make them understand? How do I get them to appreciate what they have? How do we make the fits stop? How do we get them to share without tears?
How can we fix this?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
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3 comments:
Oh, I'm right there with you, sister! Christmas was over-the-top ridiculous this year (again), the kids have an entire room devoted to toys, bedrooms overflowing with books and stuffed animals. . .
Realizing we (and our families) show love through gifts is the first step. The second step? Much harder. STOP BUYING. Can we do it? Can we raise thoughtful, kind, considerate, non-bratty kids? I think we can!
P.S. I think part of it is a stage. KK went through it and has improved so much in recent months. Keep your chin up!
Glad to know I am not the only crazy one! I felt as if I was having dejavu...ugh
One thing we've done is to ask people to not give Cate birthday presents. We say in the invitations (for the last two years) that we request there be no presents; if they feel the need to give something, we ask that they make a donation of any size to FIRST, the organization who supports people with Ichthyosis like Cate. This is nice because we don't add more to everything we already have, plus we also get to talk with Cate about how people are doing really nice things for her and other people like her.
The other thing we do is get rid of stuff every six months. We go through the playroom and for every one thing we keep, we give one thing away. For Cate's age (so it'd work for Kennedy, not sure about Madison ~ you'd know best!), I pick out two similar toys (two stuffed animals, two cars, etc) and tell her to pick one to keep and one to give to boys and girls who don't have any toys. The last time we did it, she got so into it that she started picking up matches on her own and saying, "Mommy, we should give this one to the boys and girls who don't have any toys and then I'll keep this one." Sometimes she even chose to give both away. It was pretty cool, especially when a couple weeks later she asked me if I remembered when we took some of her toys and gave them to boys and girls who don't have them so they could have some toys, too. I take that as a sign that it's working. :)
So, I totally get the overabundance thing. There are days that I can't stand how much we spoil the Monkey. But there are great ways to change it around, too. You'll be fine; you've got great girls and they do know what's important in life. :)
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